You’ve sent the text. They replied with a smiley. Now what? A booty call isn’t a date. It’s not a relationship. It’s not even really a plan. It’s a spontaneous, often late-night request for sex with someone you’ve slept with before-or maybe just flirted with a few times. No romance. No expectations. Just physical connection. But if you’re wondering what to actually expect from a booty call, you’re not alone. Most people think it’s simple. It’s not. And skipping the real talk can leave you confused, hurt, or worse.
What a Booty Call Really Is (And Isn’t)
A booty call is exactly what the name suggests: a call made for sex. It’s usually initiated by one person to another with no pretense of emotional involvement. No dinner. No small talk. No ‘how was your week?’ Just: ‘You free tonight?’
It’s not cheating-if both people are single and agree. It’s not a relationship-if neither of you wants one. It’s not a sign of attraction-if you only ever connect for sex and never hang out otherwise. And it’s definitely not a friendship-if you avoid talking about anything deeper than what you’re wearing.
Here’s the truth: most booty calls start because one or both people want sex without the weight of commitment. That’s not wrong. But it’s not harmless either. People get attached. People misread signals. People assume ‘this is just physical’ when the other person is quietly hoping for more.
Key Things to Know Before You Make (or Receive) a Booty Call
- You’re not guaranteed a response-even if you’ve done this before.
- They might cancel last minute. It happens.
- You won’t get cuddles unless they’re offered freely-and even then, it might not happen again.
- They won’t text you the next day unless they want to.
- You might feel weird after. That’s normal.
- They might not remember your name. Don’t take it personally.
These aren’t red flags. These are features. If you’re okay with that, great. If you’re hoping for something else, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
Why People Use Booty Calls (And Why It Often Backfires)
People turn to booty calls for a few reasons:
- They’re lonely and want physical touch without emotional labor.
- They’re tired of dating apps and want something faster.
- They’re curious and testing boundaries.
- They’re avoiding vulnerability.
But here’s what rarely gets said: most people who start with booty calls end up wanting more. It’s not because they’re ‘needy.’ It’s because humans are wired for connection. Touch releases oxytocin-the bonding hormone. Even if you think you’re just ‘getting laid,’ your brain doesn’t know that. It thinks you’re bonding.
That’s why so many people end up confused after a booty call. They thought they were being casual. Then they found themselves checking their phone every five minutes. Or replaying the conversation in their head. Or wondering why they didn’t get a goodnight text.
It’s not you. It’s biology.
What Happens During a Booty Call? The Real Experience
Let’s be real. There’s no script. But here’s what usually happens:
- You show up at their place-or they show up at yours. No fanfare.
- There’s a moment of awkward small talk. ‘You hungry?’ ‘Nah, you?’
- It gets quiet fast. Maybe you laugh a little too hard at nothing.
- Sex happens. It’s usually quick. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s awkward.
- Afterward, there’s silence. One of you might get up to use the bathroom. The other pretends to be asleep.
- You leave without saying much. Maybe you text ‘thx’ the next day. Maybe you don’t.
There’s no romantic music. No breakfast in bed. No ‘we should do this again.’ That’s not because they’re cold. It’s because that’s the agreement. Or at least, that’s what they thought the agreement was.
How to Set Boundaries Before It Happens
If you’re going to do this, do it with your eyes open. Here’s how:
- Ask yourself: ‘Do I want this to be just physical, or am I hoping for more?’ Be honest.
- Text them before meeting: ‘Just to be clear-I’m cool with this being casual. No expectations.’
- Agree on safety: condoms, STI testing, no alcohol if you’re unsure.
- Decide in advance: Will you stay over? Will you talk after? Will you text the next day?
- Know your exit strategy. If it feels off, leave. No guilt.
Boundaries aren’t cold. They’re respectful. To yourself. To them. To the situation.
Booty Calls vs. Friends with Benefits: What’s the Difference?
| Aspect | Booty Call | Friends with Benefits |
|---|---|---|
| Frequency | Spontaneous, irregular | Regular, sometimes scheduled |
| Communication | Minimal. Only about sex | More. You might text about movies, work, etc. |
| Emotional Involvement | Low. No shared life | Moderate. You know each other’s routines |
| Duration | Usually short-term | Can last months or longer |
| Aftermath | Often fades quickly | Can turn into friendship-or something more |
Booty calls are a single transaction. Friends with benefits are a recurring arrangement with some social overlap. One is easier to walk away from. The other? Not so much.
When a Booty Call Goes Wrong
It happens. You think it’s fine. Then they start showing up at your place unannounced. Or they start asking about your weekend. Or they say, ‘I really like spending time with you.’
That’s not your fault. But it’s your problem now.
If you didn’t set clear boundaries, you’re stuck. You either have to:
- Be honest and say, ‘I’m not looking for anything beyond this,’
- Or pretend you’re okay with more-and risk feeling trapped.
Most people choose the second option. Then they resent it. And they resent the other person. And then they feel guilty for feeling resentful.
Don’t let that be you.
Safety Tips: Protect Yourself Physically and Emotionally
- Always use protection. No exceptions. Even if you’ve done this before.
- Meet in a public place first if you’re unsure. Text them from your car before heading in.
- Let a friend know where you’re going and who you’re with.
- Don’t share your home address unless you’re 100% sure.
- Trust your gut. If something feels off, leave. No explanation needed.
- Don’t use this to fill an emotional void. It won’t work. Therapy, hobbies, friends-those help.
Physical safety matters. Emotional safety matters more.
What Happens After?
You might never hear from them again. That’s the norm.
You might get a text a week later: ‘You up?’ That’s also normal.
You might start wondering if they’re seeing someone else. That’s not paranoia. That’s human.
You might feel a little empty after. That’s not weakness. That’s your body and mind processing connection-even if it was brief.
There’s no right way to feel. But there is a right way to handle it: don’t pretend it didn’t mean anything if it did. Don’t ignore your feelings. Don’t chase someone who’s clearly not looking for you.
It’s okay to move on. It’s okay to decide you don’t want to do this anymore. It’s okay to want more.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is a booty call the same as a hookup?
Almost, but not quite. A hookup is any sexual encounter with no strings attached-it can be with someone you just met. A booty call is specifically with someone you’ve had sex with before. It’s a repeat, not a one-off.
Can a booty call turn into a relationship?
Yes-but it’s rare and usually messy. Most relationships that start as booty calls do so because one person changed their mind. The other didn’t. That imbalance causes tension. If you want a relationship, start with a date-not a late-night text.
Why do I feel guilty after a booty call?
Guilt often comes from conflicting values. Maybe you were taught sex should mean something. Or maybe you hoped for connection and didn’t get it. It’s not about being ‘bad.’ It’s about your expectations not matching the reality. That’s okay. Adjust your expectations, not your worth.
Should I text them the next day?
Only if you want to. If you’re okay with silence, don’t text. If you want to see if they’re interested in more, say something light: ‘Had a good night.’ That’s it. Don’t over-explain. Don’t beg for validation. Let them respond-or not.
Are booty calls common in London?
Yes. In cities like London, where people are busy, socially isolated, or emotionally guarded, casual sex is common. But that doesn’t make it easy. Many people do it, but few talk about how confusing it can feel afterward.
Final Thought: It’s Not About the Sex. It’s About the Silence.
The real issue with booty calls isn’t the act. It’s what happens after-the quiet, the waiting, the wondering. The silence that follows is where people get lost. They start filling it with stories: ‘They liked me.’ ‘They’ll text tomorrow.’ ‘Maybe they’re just shy.’
Here’s the truth: silence doesn’t mean anything. It just means they didn’t choose to say anything.
If you want clarity, ask for it. If you want connection, build it. If you just want sex, have it-but don’t pretend it’s not what it is. Be honest. With them. And with yourself.
7 Comments
Jessica Buchanan-Carlin
Booty calls are just sex why make it a whole essay
Tolani M
Let me tell you something from Lagos where we don’t play games with labels-when you call someone at 2am and they answer in their underwear, you already know the script. No need for bullet points or clinical terms like ‘emotional labor’-we just say ‘come through’ and move. But here’s the truth they don’t tell you in American blogs: the silence after doesn’t mean they don’t care, it means they’re tired. In Nigeria, we don’t text ‘thx’-we send a voice note of us laughing at a bad joke the next day. That’s the real bond. Oxytocin doesn’t care about your boundaries, it just wants to connect. And if you’re pretending you didn’t feel something, you’re lying to yourself more than to them.
Michael J Dean
soooo i just had one last week and honestly i was like wow this is way less awkward than i thought but then i woke up and they were already gone and i was like did we even talk before?? also why do i feel like i need to shower again??
Ankush Jain
People overthink this too much in the US you think its about boundaries but its about power dynamics and social conditioning and if you really want to know why booty calls fail its because men are conditioned to avoid emotional vulnerability and women are conditioned to interpret silence as rejection and neither side is wrong its just the system broken and also you should always use protection even if youve known them for years because STIs dont care about your emotional state and also why do people think they can just text ‘you up?’ and expect a yes its not a vending machine
Robin Moore
Y’all act like this is new. This is just modern dating with less pretense. The real issue isn’t the sex it’s the lack of mutual understanding. You don’t need a 2000-word essay to say ‘I’m not looking for anything beyond this.’ Just say it. If they can’t handle that they’re not ready. And no you don’t need to text the next day unless you want to. But if you do it’s not weak it’s human. Also oxytocin is real but so is dopamine and if you’re chasing that high you’re just addicted to the chase not the person
Millennial Avid
Love this breakdown. Honestly the silence after is the real villain here. It’s not the sex-it’s the ghosting energy that lingers like bad perfume. I used to overanalyze every emoji, now I just say ‘had a good night’ and let the vibe do the talking. If they’re vibing with you, they’ll respond. If not, you just saved yourself 3 days of doomscrolling. Also-protip: if you’re using this to avoid therapy, you’re just delaying the inevitable. Your soul knows the difference between connection and transaction. Trust it.
Sara Gibson
Booty calls are a mirror. They don’t reveal what the other person wants-they reveal what you’re afraid to admit you need. The fact that you’re even asking ‘what to expect’ means you’re already hoping for more. That’s not weakness. That’s biology. That’s evolution. That’s your limbic system screaming for safety in a world that’s taught you to be transactional. So don’t shame yourself for feeling empty after. Shame the culture that told you to commodify intimacy. You don’t need boundaries-you need permission to want more. And if you do? Go find it. Not in a late-night text. But in a real conversation. With someone who’s ready to show up.