You’ve sent the text. They replied with a laugh emoji. You showed up. Nothing was said about dinner. No plans for tomorrow. And yet, here you are - tangled in sheets, quiet except for breathing, wondering if this was worth it.
Booty calls aren’t romantic. They aren’t even really dates. But they’re real. And if you’ve ever been on either end of one, you know they’re not as simple as pop culture makes them seem.
What Exactly Is a Booty Call?
A booty call is a request for sex without the baggage of a relationship. No emotional expectations. No labels. Just physical release - usually late at night, often unplanned, and almost always one-sided in terms of emotional investment.
It’s not prostitution. There’s no money exchanged. It’s not dating. There’s no follow-up text the next day. It’s not friendship either - because if it were, you wouldn’t be showing up at 1 a.m. for sex and then leaving before breakfast.
Think of it like a vending machine: you insert your time, effort, and vulnerability, and out comes temporary physical satisfaction. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it jams. And sometimes, you walk away wondering why you even pressed the button.
Why Do People Do This?
Let’s be honest - most people who initiate or accept booty calls aren’t looking for love. They’re looking for relief.
Maybe you’re lonely but not ready to date. Maybe you’re stressed, and sex is the only thing that makes your brain shut off. Maybe you’re curious, or bored, or just tired of apps that ask you to fill out personality quizzes before you can swipe right.
In London, where life moves fast and space is tight, booty calls thrive. People work long hours, live alone, and don’t always have the energy for emotional labor. A booty call feels like a shortcut - a way to get physical connection without the overhead of planning dates, managing expectations, or dealing with mismatched attachment styles.
But here’s the catch: shortcuts often lead to dead ends.
The Hidden Costs
Here’s something no one tells you: booty calls don’t stay clean.
One person thinks it’s just sex. The other starts to feel something. Maybe they text you the next morning just to say ‘good night.’ Maybe they show up with coffee. Maybe they start asking about your weekend plans.
And then - silence.
That’s when the real pain hits. Not the awkwardness of walking out after sex. Not the fear of being caught. It’s the quiet realization that you were the only one pretending this meant something.
Studies show that casual sex can trigger dopamine spikes similar to romantic love - especially in the early stages. That’s why it’s so easy to confuse physical closeness with emotional connection. Your brain doesn’t know the difference. Your heart does.
And when the calls stop? You’re left with a hollow feeling - like you gave something valuable away for free.
Who’s Doing This - And Where?
It’s not just young people. It’s not just men. It’s not just people in big cities.
In London, I’ve seen it happen everywhere: in shared flats in Peckham, in hotel rooms near King’s Cross, in quiet apartments in Clapham where the neighbours never ask questions. People in their 20s, 30s, even 40s. Some are divorced. Some are single by choice. Some are just tired of the dating grind.
Women initiate booty calls too. More than you think. And they’re just as likely to get hurt.
The myth that men want sex and women want romance? That’s outdated. What people really want is connection - even if they’re too tired or scared to name it.
What Happens After?
There are three paths after a booty call.
Path One: The Ghost - You never hear from them again. No explanation. No apology. Just silence. This is the most common outcome. And honestly? It’s the cleanest.
Path Two: The Return - They text again. Same time. Same place. Same energy. You say yes. Again. And again. This is the trap. It feels safe because it’s predictable. But predictability without emotional safety is just another kind of loneliness.
Path Three: The Shift - One person starts wanting more. Maybe they say, ‘We should hang out this weekend.’ Maybe they bring you flowers. Maybe they mention your dog. That’s when things get messy. Because now you have to decide: do you want this to be real? Or are you just afraid of being alone?
Most people don’t choose Path Three. They stay stuck in Path Two - until they burn out.
How to Protect Yourself
If you’re going to do this - and you might - here’s how to do it without losing yourself.
- Set boundaries before you show up. Say it out loud: ‘This is just sex. No strings. No expectations.’ Say it again if they don’t respond the way you want.
- Never mix emotions with logistics. Don’t text them after. Don’t check their Instagram. Don’t wonder if they’re seeing someone else. That’s how you turn a simple arrangement into a mental prison.
- Keep it physical, not personal. Don’t share your deepest fears. Don’t cry in their bed. Don’t let them see you vulnerable unless you’re ready to risk being used.
- Know your exit strategy. If you start feeling something, walk away before it gets harder. Don’t wait for them to ghost you. Leave first.
It’s not about being cold. It’s about being clear.
Booty Calls vs. Casual Dating
People confuse booty calls with casual dating. They’re not the same.
| Aspect | Booty Call | Casual Dating |
|---|---|---|
| Communication | Only before and after sex | Texts, plans, shared activities |
| Emotional Expectation | None - explicitly | Low, but sometimes implied |
| Frequency | Irregular, triggered by need | Regular, planned |
| Public Knowledge | Usually secret | Often known to friends |
| Exit Difficulty | Easy - just stop texting | Harder - you’ve spent time together |
Casual dating still involves hanging out. Coffee. Movies. Walks. Maybe even meeting friends. It’s low-commitment, but it’s still social. A booty call is a transaction. One action. One outcome. No conversation required.
Is It Worth It?
Here’s the truth: sometimes, a booty call feels like the only option. And that’s okay.
But if you’re doing it because you’re lonely, scared, or tired of dating apps - you’re not solving the problem. You’re just distracting yourself from it.
Sex without emotional safety doesn’t heal loneliness. It just makes it quieter for a while.
And if you’re doing it because you think you’re ‘too cool’ for relationships? That’s not confidence. That’s fear wearing a mask.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting physical connection. But don’t mistake it for intimacy.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are booty calls illegal in the UK?
No, consensual sexual encounters between adults are not illegal in the UK. However, if money is exchanged for sex, that crosses into prostitution territory - which is legally grey. Soliciting in public or running an escort business is illegal. But a private, non-monetary arrangement between two adults is not a crime.
Can you get emotionally attached to someone you have a booty call with?
Absolutely. Your brain releases oxytocin during sex - the same hormone linked to bonding. Even if you tell yourself it’s just physical, your body doesn’t know the difference. Many people end up falling for their booty call without meaning to. That’s why boundaries are so important.
How do you end a booty call without making it awkward?
Just stop initiating. Don’t send the text. Don’t show up. If they reach out, reply politely but firmly: ‘I’ve decided to stop doing this. I hope you understand.’ You don’t owe them a long explanation. You owe yourself peace.
Is it better than dating apps?
It’s faster. It’s simpler. But it’s not better. Dating apps are exhausting because they promise connection. Booty calls promise nothing - which can feel refreshing. But neither solves the deeper need for real intimacy. If you’re using either to avoid vulnerability, you’re just delaying the work you need to do.
Do people regret having booty calls?
Many do - especially if they started hoping for more. Regret isn’t about the sex. It’s about the silence that followed. The unanswered texts. The feeling that you gave something real away without getting anything back. The regret comes from the mismatch between what you hoped for and what you got.
Final Thought
Booty calls aren’t evil. They’re not even rare. They’re a symptom of a culture that’s good at offering quick fixes but terrible at teaching real connection.
If you’re doing this, that’s fine. But ask yourself: are you using this to avoid being alone - or to truly feel free?
Because freedom isn’t the absence of rules. It’s the presence of clarity.
And clarity means knowing when to say no - even when your body says yes.
2 Comments
Carl Grann
Let’s be real-this isn’t about sex, it’s about avoidance. You’re not ‘too cool’ for relationships, you’re terrified of being seen. Your brain hijacks dopamine like it’s a Band-Aid on a hemorrhage. And yeah, oxytocin doesn’t care if you said ‘no strings’-your body’s screaming for connection while your ego’s whispering ‘just keep it casual.’ You think you’re in control? You’re just the guy who texts at 2 a.m. and then blocks them when they reply with ‘u up?’ again. Pathetic.
Nicholas F
Ohhhhh, so now we’re all just emotionally stunted Americans?!?!? I mean, come on-this is just another overwrought, self-help blog dressed up like a TED Talk! You want clarity? Fine. Here’s clarity: PEOPLE HAVE SEX. IT HAPPENS. IN LONDON. IN CHICAGO. IN YOUR MOTHER’S BASEMENT. You don’t need a 2000-word essay to tell you that emotional vulnerability is risky. DUH. But don’t you DARE tell me it’s ‘a symptom of culture’-I’ve had booty calls since I was 17 and I’m still standing. And I didn’t need a PowerPoint to do it.